Splam Plip

Corby, United Kingdom

We pan over the beautiful council flats of Corby, setting the scene for the introduction of the brand new RPW signee - Dangerman Taekwondo Superkicker. A troubled looking old tramp sits on the curb. He looks, inquisitively, at a rock that has crumbled from the path. In a certain metaphorical sense, he can see his own life story reflected in this rock. Both himself and the rock are outsiders now, once a part of something bigger, but due to some form of corrosion, whether it be harsh weather and the constant strain of people walking upon it in the case of the rock, or addiction in the case of the tramp, there is a fall from grace story in both of their cases. The tramp vomits blood and then shits himself and passes out.

The scene transitions to show a small building sandwiched between a local Co-Op and a hairdressers called 'Barbara's Beauts'. It is, of course, the famous Dragon Temple. The very same dojo that trained the one we now know as Dangerman. The door swings open with all the force of a door being swung open by a man putting a lot of force into swinging open a door. Standing there when the dust settles is a short, weedy looking middle aged man with a mullet and porn-stache. He is wearing a bright blue tracksuit and stands with his legs apart and his hands on his hips.

Sensei
Welcome to my dojo, like

We follow the Sensei into the dojo and he takes a seat.

Sensei
I knew you lot were coming, so I got our Margaret to make you some cakes.

The Sensei turns to away and bellows.

Sensei
MARGARET!? BRING THE CAKES!

There is a short silence.

Margaret
What?!

Sensei goes red in the face and huffs.

Sensei
SAID BRING THE FUCKING CAKES

Sensei turns back around.

Sensei
Anyway, I couldn't be more proud of me boy Dangerman. I've been teaching him the ways of Taekwondo since he was just a little boy, int I? I love that boy, he's my best pupil.

Sensei gets up and shouts across the hall. We can now see that the temple is full of small children all practicing their martial arts.

Sensei
Oi you lot, we're all dead proud of our Dangerman, int we?

The kids half heartedly reply with a collective 'yeah, like'. One of the kids yells that he's done a wee.

Sensei
Ent much else to say, like. I know that our Dangerman is going to absolutely beat the living fook out of anyone who gets in his way down in America. I don't know what you bloody yanks think's gonna 'appen but I'm telling yis, you better not get in his fookin way, is that understood? Bloody yanks.

Sensei gets up and begins kicking the air.

Sensei
Bloody... FOOKIN yanks. I fookin-

We cut off here. The scene now goes to Dangerman Taekwndo Superkicker sitting in a room with Kelly Kelly.

Dangerman Taekwondo Superkicker
'Ello, love

Kelly Kelly
Hello Dangerman Taekwondo Superkicker. Welcome to RPW!

Dangerman Taekwondo Superkicker
Thanks, love

Kelly Kelly
This week, you have your first ever wrestling match, and it's going to be against the veteran Kevin Nash. Do you have any nerves going into this match at all?

Dangerman Taekwondo Superkicker
Course not, love. I don't take crap from anyone. You see the thing about me is, right, I'm a weapon. I don't actually need a weapon, right, cause I am one, love.

Kelly Kelly
So you're not worried about this match at all?

Dangerman Taekwondo Superkicker
Not at all, love.

Kelly Kelly
Do you feel that your martial arts skills will translate well to the wrestling ring?

Dangerman Taekwondo Superkicker
Yeah.

Kelly Kelly
Care to add anything else?

Dangerman Taekwondo Superkicker
You're a pretty lass. I would like to give you a kiss. A big kiss. Right on your lips.

Kelly Kelly
I don't think thats appropriate. You appeared on RPW last week and pointed at the nWo. Could this mean that they're the ones you're going to be targeting? If so, why?

Dangerman Taekwondo Superkicker
Nah, I'm not targeting them, love.

Kelly Kelly
I see... It's just that on the last episode of RPW, you made it pretty clear that you have some kind of issue with them. But now you're saying that you don't want any piece of them at all?

Dangerman Taekwondo Superkicker
Yeah.

There is a short silence.

Dangerman Taekwondo Superkicker
To be honest, I don't care about them in any way. They can do what they want, like. As long as they don't give me crap, cause if they give me crap, love, I'll have to prank them. And after I've pranked them, I'll have to superkick them. That's all there is to it really, love, I just don't really care about them if I'm being perfectly honest with you, to be fair.

Dangerman gets up and walks away. The camera follows him as he walks to catering.

Kelly Kelly
Excuse me, Dangerman, I just have a few questions I'd like to ask you!

Dangerman Taekwondo Superkicker
Nah, love, can't be arsed, to be honest.

He picks up a bun and eats it whole.

Dangerman Taekwondo Superkicker
Pretty nice, like.

Kelly Kelly
Do you have anything you'd like to say to the RPW galaxy before your official debut this week?

Dangerman blows rasperries.

Dangerman Taekwondo Superkicker
Does that answer your question? La dee dah dee dah. You know what I mean? To be fair.

Dangerman wanders away.

The end.