The Badass Method

The camera opens up, and it's Thorn, sat on a stool, a Fab lolly in his hand. He holds it towards the camera, more dramatically than one would expect someone to hold a Fab lolly towards a camera.

Thorn
You know, I see people eating these things very particularly. I see them scrape off the sprinkles with their teeth, then they nibble away at the chocolate, then the sugary undercoating, and then finally, they slowly lick at the ice itself until it's gone. Evaporated in their mouth.

Thorn looks at the Fab lolly, before snarling.

Thorn
I find this method to be disgusting.

Thorn chomps the Fab lolly, taking a giant bite out of it. He grins at the camera, ensuring that it catches the remains of the Fab sloshing and swirling inside his mouth.

Thorn
I'm sorry! Does that scare you!? Are you intimidated by how a real badass devours a Fab!? You should be! The way I rip this Fab to small, miniscule pieces with my teeth, is the same thing that I will do to my opponent tonight! The Road Dogg huh? If you're a dog alright, then I'm a Chinese man! And we all know what that means...

Thorn grins manically at the camera, and nods knowingly. After a silence, he continues.

Thorn
It means I'm gonna eat ya!

Thorn laughs an evil laugh.

TBC - ROAD DOGG

The camera slowly pans to Road Dogg who's sat on a wooden stool nearby, having a go at a Fab lolly of his own. It doesn't seem as though Thorn had noticed, but he does once he realizes the cameraman's movement. Thorn looks toward Jesse James, who has seemingly just been there watching Thorn's ramble. He takes a bite of the side of the popsicle, being one of those weird motherfuckers whose teeth don't have actual fucking nerve endings, allowing them to bite into ice cream without a second thought.

Road Dogg
Hey man.

This is said between chewing, with a slight chuckle and a smile.

Road Dogg
Y'know you're always so aggressive. Man, look.

Road Dogg scoots his stool closer to Thorn and holds his popsicle out in front of him. In a friendly-like manner, he drapes his arm over Thorn's shoulders.

Road Dogg
You know what they say.

Thorn looks at Road Dogg with the most twisted face. Jesse James takes it for confusion.

Road Dogg
Oh, you didn't know. Well, life imitates art - I truly believe that. Look at this popsicle. Look at it man.

He wiggles the colorful popsicle.

Road Dogg
This is a pretty fucking popsicle. You wanna know why it's so damn pretty?

He wiggles it again.

Road Dogg
'Cause this is a pretty popsicle. This shit. This shit right here? This shit, is art. And this thing is cold as fuck. Feel it, touch it. It's chill.

He pats Thorn on the back.

Road Dogg
So imitate art. Chill out.

Road Dogg takes away all physical contact he had with Thorn. He spaces out, looking forward, slightly slouching in his wooden stool. He takes another small bite of the pretty ass popsicle.

Road Dogg
Y'know...

As Jesse is spaced out, Thorn stares at him, perhaps surprised that for once, someone else has managed to make less sense than he.

Thorn grabs James' Fab lolly, and hurtles it full speed against the wall, where it smashes into little pieces. James looks disapointed, but Thorn look furious.

Thorn
Chill!? Chill!?! You want me to chill!?

James looks confused, before nodding.

Thorn
Why on earth should I take advice from someone like you! What can you possibly offer me!? A loser like you! A true loser! If I recall, you haven't won a single match yet in RPW!

Thorn laughs in an over the top manner.

Thorn
I'm afraid to tell you, that won't change tonight! You will prove as much of a threat to me tonight as you have to everyone else so far in RPW! Y'see, I'm far above you in the RPW food chain! I'm at the very top! And the only reason I'm facing you tonight, is because you cost me my opportunity last week to go after Kurt Angle for the RPW Extreme Championship!

Thorn gets in James' face.

Thorn
So here's some advise from me... start saying your prayers! Because tonight, you fall again.

Thorn takes a vicious bite out of his own Fab Lolly, before turning dramatically and exiting the scene.